#anyways idk how much of this makes sense. im not an expert or very informed in general

[rathandz]

agree to the salt mines with that person.

but as someone who tends to fall a bit more into the “gender minimalist look” appearance wise, but what gets me abt the look is like. they all look the same. like, the way you described gender maximalism, there’s so many routes for that to go and 5 bajillion different unique people with 5 bajillion different unique outfits that come to mind. but like. with what you said abt minimalism it’s The Same Thin White Person every time. why can’t they be poc, or be a different body type, or not have that one specific type of small/petite nose? i fall into almost all the tropes, im white, generally skinny(er? only a little squishy if I’m not?) im a brunette, i have small hands, I’m afab, etc. but i cannot tell you how happy i would be if i saw an androgynous character WHO DIDNT HAGE THAT ONE FUCKING TINY NOSE!!! ITS A VERY CUTE NOSE SHAPE BUT PLEASE GUYS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

the thing is tho im guilty as a lot of these myself when designing characters, esp the nose thing funnily enough lol. it’s hard to break from what stereotypes you’ve been fed by media, and what other peoples idea of gender nonconformity is. but we should be pushing back against it!!!! none of the things i listed above have anything to do with androgyny!!! that’s all just how people look!!!!!!! naturally, outside of gender presentation!!!!

and also with representation like a sliding scale instead of all or nothing would be nice.. i think a lot of my presentation reads as minimalist. but i also wear a lot of button ups and baseball caps. and i own earrings that look like little fish bags, n wear a lot of earrings in general. and sometimes i wear chokers and necklaces. and when it isn’t summer and i need to wear flipflops to avoid heatstroke, i almost always wear tennis shoes. but when there’s a fancy event I’ll wear heels but never with a dress. there are small bits of femininity and masculinity i still embrace even if I’m a far cry from gender maximalism. and i don’t see that a whole lot either.

dose anyone want to hear my very surface level analysis of androgyny in media

[mangoisms]

hi so i remembered that you’re also a psych major and i was wondering if i could perhaps maybe get your opinion on a project?? if not that’s completely okay! i just would like a second opinion on the connection since the assignment is to connect psychology concepts to media, and i wanted to connect one to batman lol

so my connection was basically that batman is kind of a representation of the humanistic psychological approach because of his no killing rule? i felt that i could connect it because (this is only as far as i know, the thing is im not SUPER well versed in the comics lol) since he refuses to kill, he just sends them to arkham. and if i remember correctly he believes in rehabilitation for his rogues, and some of them have actually been able to change their ways, so it’s him cleaning up the streets with his belief that there is potential for good that is innate to all humans, which fits humanism really well if that makes sense lol idk 😭😭

but yeah if you don’t mind i’d really appreciate a second opinion but if not that’s totally okay!

omg of course!!! i’m honored to help… tho i do have to admit i had to look up what humanistic psychology is HAHA. wiki says a relation to maslow? who i am familiar with… and the field is in response to behaviorism and psychoanalytic theory, two fields i am also very familiar with, so i thinkkkkk i know what’s going on here but this might inform my response so just a heads up <3 and i mean of course definitely take Anything i say with a grain of salt LOLLL (and under the cut just so this isn’t too long on the dash)

i definitely think you can make something of it!!! i am also admittedly not that much of an expert with him, mostly by proxy, but i do think it is fair to say a true version of batman is supposed to believe in rehabilitation/in second chances. i also—totally unsolicited advice you don’t have to take but i was thinking about this while i was writing— have a couple other thoughts….

i think you could bring in maslow here as well with his hierarchy of needs and apply to gotham as well? without getting too sociological, it can be pretty safely said, discounting people like the joker who do Bad Things just because it’s fun and he’s an asshole, that crime runs rampant because needs aren’t being met? gotham is corrupt, the government doesn’t do its job, people get desperate, they turn to crime, bruce wayne does what he can to alleviate this with his wealth and status and batman can bridge the gap between the people in need and bruce wayne -> tie that back to batman’s innate belief in the goodness of people and giving them second chances, which i also think you can back up with canon evidence because i am 90% it is canon he saw joe chill and forgave him for what he did

but yes!!! i think it sounds super cool and i think there are a couple different ways to connect psych with batman, which is neat because i’ve never really thought about it like that! well i did once with my stress class and bruce and the amount of stress his body is under and how he hasn’t had a heart attack by now but ANYWAY yeah ^_^ good luck with it!! i hope i could help out a little bit? and if you need any more help/clarification, feel free to pop back in and talk to me! <333

[haich-slash-cee]

Is the print publishing world picking up online/fandom terms? How they are using them? How do we feel about this?

So this is... attention-getting, for folks who like to follow publishing and meta stuff.

https://twitter.com/sapphicxrey/status/1215065948677443584

https://twitter.com/TorDotComPub/status/1233391556750647299

(2nd tweet -- TW, mentions of non-con)

Are we seeing the beginnings of book publishers directly borrowing from online/fandom culture in promoting their books? How do we feel about these examples?

More below cut.

Exhibit #1: screenshots of Bonds of Brass promo from Jan 8 2020. (Which is probably going to have reactions of “haha, cute” at most.)

Transcript of blurb: 

“If you like... 

forbidden romances, “there’s only one bed”, cityships, weaponized umbrellas, powersuits, secret princes, best friends, best friends PINING, fake dating between PINING best friends, tactical streaking, the minivan of starships, cigar-chomping cyborg ladies, scary empress moms, galactic-level bisexual disasters, LEGACY (WHAT IS A LEGACY?), rooftop hopping, golden trios, rumblin’ drums, bootleg fireworks, BIG SPACE BATTLES PEW PEW, a surprisingly functional public transit system, mob trouble, one hell of a pilot, the inherent DRAMA of empire, a nice interlude in a river, smoking a joint that’s been on the floor, sick stunts, slick grifts, hiding in a dumpster, or any combination of the above,

 Then you might like 

BONDS OF BRASS”

The Twitter responses seem to be generally enthusiastic. (And also, “FinnPoe! FinnPoe!”)

Personally, I’m intrigued from a meta-view of “oh so that’s definitely pulling from online world and fanfiction world, interesting. I wonder how much fanfiction culture is starting to influence print book culture and promotion.” Maybe I’ve got some questions like, “Ok so moneymaking companies such as Penguin are now using culture developed by the not-moneymaking-world of fanfiction? How do we feel about this?” Anyway, the book looks cute, I’m interested enough and I might get it from the library.

I suspect many people’s reactions are along the lines of “hm, interesting”, “sounds like a lark”, or “haha they’re using AO3 tags as promo”, etc. 

Exhibit #2, screenshots of DOCILE promo, from Feb 28 2020 (today is March 1 2020), and screenshots of Twitter responses so far:

(*CW, non-con discussion)

Tweet transcript:

“DOCILE by @KMSzpara:  

-Dubcon/Noncon 

-Dramatic Trillionaire Content 

-BDSM and then some more BDSM and then a lot more BDSM

 -Hurt/comfort and hurt/no comfort

 -Cinnamon roll of steel 

-The most scandalous kink: love 

-Courtroom, bedroom, & Preakness drama

[Tor book website link]”

So this is getting mixed reactions on Twitter. All dozen or so reactions, so far. Here’s text transcripts and bio info from repliers, below. I’m being a little obsessive, mostly to show that there’s a mix of queer, book-ish people in the replies (including the author).)

Noncon is nonconsentual sex, rape. Even in fandom it's a content tag, not a promotional term. I can't imagine being a rape survivor and seeing this come across my TL. -- @WriteSomeGood [queer rainbow] [Cis queer homemaker, aspiring author, maker of incredible cinnamon buns. She/her] [has a Tumblr page]

I’m not a survivor but it was an instant “no thank you” from me. And I was sincerely looking forward to this prior to. This is the most immediately off-putting marketing push I’ve seen for a book in a long damn time. -- @AGAWilmot [Author, editor, artist. Co-EIC of @anathemaspec. @SFU alum. The Death Scene Artist/W&W 2018. Ace/enby. They/them. Horror is my comfort food.]

Whichever intern wrote this tweet, deserves a full time job. With benefits. -- @simeontsanev [Aspiring writer, post-aspiring musician, and overall geek  He/Him /[queer rainbow]/ To the world we dream about, and the one we live in now! http://simeontsanev.com]

Idk why everyone thinks it’s always an intern writing copy and not a team comprised of extremely skilled social media experts, editors, publicists and marketers, and their assistants  I worked on those tags with my editor and a good friend!! -- @KMSzpara [Kellan. [queer rainbow]  Speculative fiction writer. Queer agenda.  Hugo & Nebula finalist.  DOCILE 3/3/20 from Tor Dot Com Publishing.  He/him.  Rep @suddenlyjen] *The author, bio page and twitter page.

this is CUTE! -- @MSSciarappa  [queer rainbow] I do books. he/him.

I am Extremely Ready for this content thank u -- @JessicaBCooper [Journo ☽ Writer of faerie, villain fuckery & cruel desires ☽ Lestat & Loki's love child ☽ Aleksander Morozova's side-hoe ☽ Rep'd by Kate Testerman @ktliterary]

I’m listening -- @MerynLobb [Government worker. Weightlifter. Nihilist. Aspiring cult leader. Avid user of words, often bad ones. #AMM R6 Mentee. she/her]

Soon! Soon!! -- @castrophony [Geek. Gamer. Cosplayer. Bibliophile. Scientist. She/Her.]

[happy reaction gif] -- @TorDotComPub [Providing a home for writers to tell SFF stories in exactly the number of words they choose. All our titles are available globally in print and DRM-free ebook.]

[throwing stuff in dumpster, unhappy reaction gif] -- @cursedgravy  [name's xavi, im a transman and i like to daydream about making content] 

For more context, here’s the blurb from the author website. Below is the blurb from the publisher’s site:

“Docile

K.M. Szpara

K. M. Szpara's Docile is a science fiction parable about love and sex, wealth and debt, abuse and power, a challenging tour de force that at turns seduces and startles.

There is no consent under capitalism.

To be a Docile is to be kept, body and soul, for the uses of the owner of your contract. To be a Docile is to forget, to disappear, to hide inside your body from the horrors of your service. To be a Docile is to sell yourself to pay your parents' debts and buy your children's future.

Elisha Wilder’s family has been ruined by debt, handed down to them from previous generations. His mother never recovered from the Dociline she took during her term as a Docile, so when Elisha decides to try and erase the family’s debt himself, he swears he will never take the drug that took his mother from him.

Too bad his contract has been purchased by Alexander Bishop III, whose ultra-rich family is the brains (and money) behind Dociline and the entire Office of Debt Resolution. When Elisha refuses Dociline, Alex refuses to believe that his family’s crowning achievement could have any negative side effects—and is determined to turn Elisha into the perfect Docile without it.

Content warning: Docile contains forthright depictions and discussions of rape and sexual abuse.”

So that’s a lot of info and reactions.

Personally: at first glance, I absently skimmed the tweet and “hurt/comfort” popped out, and I was like “What? Mainstream publishing is cool with this now? I was wondering if ‘hurt/comfort’ would one day become commonly used in publishing [related post]. But this is way sooner than I thought.” And then I read the rest of of the tweet and thought, “Wait, what?” 

And then I started reading through the tweet replies and thought, “OK, at the risk of getting a bunch of Tumblr drama, I want to bring this to the whump community and see how people feel."

As for myself, one of my squicks is non-con, and I’m not really interested in hurt/no comfort. So just from the tweet, I know the book is not for me. The official blurbs confirmed that. In this sense, this is like skimming Ao3 tags on a fic and saying “pass” on a story.

However, I have questions about the specific promotion of the book. So the official blurbs are pretty standard. What about that tweet, which Tor (and the author, who helped put it together) put out? Because I think an official publisher’s Tweet comes with different context than Ao3 tags.

First, the different internet spaces. You can filter tags on Ao3 and Tumblr. I know you can mute words on Twitter, but is that the same thing? Also, would people be expecting these tags on Twitter? Compared to Ao3 or Tumblr or Tumblr Whump spaces?

Within the Tumblr Whump community, from what I’ve browsed, the community attitude (guidelines?) seem to be “Write and discuss what you want. Be sure to tag it, use content warnings, or otherwise clearly communicate if you have things that may be triggering. Respect people’s squicks/triggers. Walk away from what you don’t like.” Like, tumblr whump has a very specific culture of trying to balance discourse/stories about potentially very dark stuff, but also wanting to make sure the IRL people and Tumblr users are okay. There’s always posts going around about how to do this, are we doing this in the right way, ethics, so on. Also -- and people can correct me -- the whump tumblr space might be where tags are content warnings for people to stay away, and also what people might actively look for. So if any space is going to discuss if this promotional tweet checks out, I feel like it’s this space. 

Also, to note again, Tor Tweets are in the money-official-publisher-world, not unpaid-tumblr-people or unpaid-fanfiction-fandom-world.

Maybe I just want to ask, “Hey those first two tweet responses, does they have a point? Tor using ‘noncon’ as official promotion? On Twitter?” I mean, I’ve previously written, “The CW and TW tags that Ao3 writers use, I really wish those were used with published books as well.” But somehow, the Tor tweet was not quite what I was expecting. Maybe for reasons similar to that first tweet response. (I guess one could debate if a tweet is really promotion or just information... you know what someone can correct me, but I’m gonna say that a Tor.com tweet is promotion, compared to information like Ao3, and that tweet was there for promotion.)

Those tags operate within specific Ao3 and Tumblr cultures and infrastructure. I don’t hang around Twitter for whump stuff, IDK what the culture is. Anyway, does dropping these tags into a promotional tweet from Tor.... translate?

The tweet is evidently gathering the people who are there for it, and the people who aren’t there for it are quickly realizing that they are not there for it. But personally, the Tor website blurb does a better job at that, using writing that I’d expect from a publisher for communicating fictional non-con situations. (Maybe the blurb content warnings are what I wanted more of, when I said I wished for CW and TW in books.)

Anyway, there’s no huge drama about that Docile book promo on Twitter, as far as I can tell. So this is a niche thing, right now. But. The promo for Bonds of Brass and for Docile might be the beginnings of a trend of well-known book publishers borrowing from online writing / fandom culture and terminology in order to promote or categorize their books. These two promos might set a precedent or have other significance.

So if anyone has discourse on the tweets or potential future trends... 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

So this’ll probably be a multiple part submission, but again it’s the “ISTJ 4w5” anon here with more info about myself for better typing. Sorry it took so long to get back, I was out of town. So I read your post about what information is helpful when typing so I’ll do my best. Basically, I’ve gone back and forth with all different types, trying to find my best fit. A friend of mine who’s pretty knowledgeable about mbti was the one who suggested I may be ISTJ for a few reasons: I usually (1/?)

think everything through at least a little-as I’ve gotten older I’ve become a lot more spontaneous and adventurous about things, I love new experiences too-but even with these things I still think about how I’ll get it to work, what the possible repercussions will be, exactly what I need to do to accomplish things, etc., so Judging would make sense for my personality. I do actually do tons of research on most things beforehand, sometimes I’ll get lazy and “just do it” but I almost always (2/?)

go into something with at least a little foreknowledge. I also make decisions with my head, so for that reason it seemed like it made sense for me to have thinking as my dominant judging function, because I always choose the most logical option/what will yield the best result, sometimes based on what has worked in the past. But I’m not against new suggestions, because I look at what will work the best or yield the best result as I said before. But I will lean towards things that have worked(3/?)

before if they seem to be the best solution. I didn’t think I could be a Thinking dominant because for me there’s no way I could have inferior Feeling, which is why the stackup of a Perceiving function followed by Thinking and Feeling made sense-because I always check in with my values/feelings before making a decision but always rely on objective logic first-which I’ve heard is a staple of Te vs Ti subjective logic. But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it.(4/?)

Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details when someone is telling me a story, or relaying something that happened, because I like to know specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing(5/?

(Im starting from where I think I left off bc tumblr wasn’t sending them) But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it. Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details (6?/?)

and specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing things too, like my conclusions need to match up with the objective logic I use. I’m not much for rules or traditions like most ISTJ stereotypes go, but stereotypes are just that and aren’t what’s important to look at when typing. I have certain traditions that I appreciate but I’m almost always open to an adventure or new experience. I like the idea of making new memories as well, and I love learning new things.(7/?)

Idk how much of the last asks even sent, ugh. Anyway: I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant in some way. My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch (8/?)

I can be spontaneous, but I’m not reckless because I always think things through at least preliminarily. I just believe in seizing the moment and making the most of an experience, so I love “adrenaline junkie” activities. Usually that’s an Se stereotype, it’s something I can relate to but I wouldn’t call myself impulsive because I analyze pretty much everything. I just have noticed that I can be more adventurous than my Se dom friend, which is interesting. But it’s all about how one thinks.(8/?)

For the zillionth time my tumblr was acting all wack and idk how many parts of my ask sent, so let’s hope they did... I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant somehow(8?/?

My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch with my 5 senses, always. I often pick up on details other people miss but I can be as oblivious as anyone else on a bad day. I would consider myself a fairly intuitive person, but definitely not an abstract iNtuitive-type. Im just pretty perceptive about things, it’s something those close to me always tell me. I get senses or vibes from people when I meet them, and I’ve had plenty of experiences where I’ll get a certain vibe from (9/?)

mom sometimes, but that could be due to maturity. I used to think I was an iNtuitive, but I realized I am actually most likely a sensor who was mistyped thanks to bad descriptions due to intuitive bias. I know the only real difference is Sensing focuses on the here/now and the past, drawing on resources and memory, and using concrete, linear thinking, likes details and being in touch with surroundings, etc. I really dislike abstract thinking and I always need practical real life examples (10/?)

applications in order for me to care. I like the abstract symbolism in art, music, etc. And in that sense I like to determine what the real meaning is. So I don’t hate abstractions but they’re not my favorite, so an Ne weak spot in that department would make a lot of sense for me. I just hate abstract theories on things that have no real use or meaning to me. I also know that an “I” type doesn’t always mean one is a true introvert because it’s all about functions, but I’m almost positive I(11/?)

am one because I’m definitely an introvert and my primary thought process is always done internally. I’ve done so much research on mbti and enneagram, which my friend also thought could be due to wanting to discover my true identity, which I’ve heard is an enneagram 4 thing. Discovering my identity is very important to me. Obviously I’m not an expert, I’m just a person who wants to understand themself and has researched and read a lot to be able to do that (12/?)

There’s definitely parts of personality theory that I don’t know, but I definitely know more than anyone else I know personally in my life, it’s kind of become a hobby I guess. I just really want to know my type, not to flaunt it like some badge of honor for being a super “rare” or “cool” type; I want to know so I can grow as a person and understand myself and how I think and make decisions so I can see my reasoning and improve myself. Anyway I hope this info helps, I love your blog (13/14)

and thanks for taking the time to read all this horrific mess. (14/14)

---------------------------------------

I wrote a much longer response but it was very piecemeal as these came through.

In short: my guess would be SFP, either ISFP or ESFP.

Reasoning: I think in your attempts to avoid intuitive stereotypes you fell into a whole lot of stereotypes about Se that led you not to type as using it even though you seem very clearly a high Se user to me. You don’t provide many specific examples, ironically enough (eg: a lot of people say they get vibes, but there is a difference between ‘I regularly guess information about people that they are shocked I could figure out’ and ‘I can tell when people are sad sometimes’ and people use ‘vibes’ for both), so Ti vs. Fi is more difficult as you don’t really provide examples of your logic and there’s a lot of tautology. That said your motivations for MBTI as true identity (which...it is not your true identity, please do not think of any personality theory as such, they’re all generic archetypes of your identity) seem more in line with Fi as do some other things. Some observations:

-most people think their actions through to some extent. Some more than others but even spontaneous Ne and Se users have like, a thought and don’t just leap blindly. You don’t really provide an example here of your planning or your adventurousness.

-”I make decisions with my head” and “I always choose the most logical option” are actually signs to me that you don’t have a great sense of self-awareness. No one always chooses the most logical option unless they’re a robot. We all do irrational things sometimes, and honestly, how do you even decide what’s more logical in a lot of decisions?

-while it is true that Te uses objective logic and Ti uses subjective logic, people are very bad at telling which they use - which isn’t a judgment on them or you, but it also means that if someone says “I use objective logic” it doesn’t really mean anything. You need to tell me what decisions you make that are objective.

-If you have moral stances but do things that completely contradict them...then you don’t have moral stances, you just say you do. So this is tautological.

-Lots of people can be stubborn; dependability is more stereotypically judgers but I’ve met some exceptionally reliable perceivers; it’s a learned skill that smart people learn to develop regardless of type.

-contrary to stereotype, while some Si-doms do have a great memory (I think mine is better than average) plenty don’t; the capacity to remember details is more sensing because of the detail-oriented nature.

-similar to the objective logic statement it would be helpful to understand what you mean by external logic.

-being always open to an adventure or new experience is not really likely in high Si users until they’re pretty old. I mean, I am as discussed in the midst of a bunch of new experiences and while I’ve moved and started new jobs/school a few times and am used to it I am still kind of constantly fighting the urge to just hide in my new apartment (not having wifi in it is ‘helping’). The fact that you also are an adrenaline junkie is really not typical of Si-doms at all.

-Finally: introversion. Your writing style strikes me as extroverted. You don’t provide examples. I would need to know more about what you mean by “your thought process is internal” because like, that is what thoughts are - internal. Extroverts still have a full inner monologue.

My guess is you’re a type 4 ESFP who is in the midst of tert-Te development and so you are currently identifying very strongly with logic and productivity. However, it’s also very possible you’re an organized ISFP; my ISFP sister is one of those. As mentioned a lot of people realize that being flaky isn’t really a good look; a lot of SFPs are also very practical (high Se) and place a high value on reliability as a moral trait or identity trait. I find the nature of Fi and Ti is such that it’s really hard for people who use them to always know which one they use because they’re so subjective by nature; high Fi users often see their moral decisions as logical and high Ti users often see their logical decisions as also moral (unless they are of the edgy, “I have no morals” sort).

[booksandchainmail]

nanoha vivid liveblog: episode 7

we off left last time with nanoha and teana both preparing massive attacks. which team will win? will this fight last another beautiful, beautiful twenty minutes?

oh, we’re starting off with the op this time. probably means theres a lot of action early on

starting with these two seems appropriate (and a hell of a fight)

gods, fate’s two swords mode is badass. 

One thing that’s really great about this training fight in general is that everyone gets to go all out (with limiters), and since its in the future compared to strikers, we get to see some pretty rare moves all together at once

fucking brutal vivio, you kicked her in the head

shes so cute

annnnd headshot

and nanoha returns to its roots of fuckoff huge beam attacks

sein is suddenly very glad she wasn’t allowed to participate

thats also just a really good tactic, since its not like subaru would have survived it if she had shielded herself more. I’d wonder why more people didn’t try, but i don’t actually think anyone else was close enough to a team member. Also smart of subaru to shield vivio, rather than the other way around, since teana is a lot less prepared for her than she would be for her old partner

oh cool, vivio’s picked up roller skating from nove

and using her own magic to substitute for skates is a great idea, i wonder why more people don’t do that? maybe it burns through magic quickly?

and now for some fisticuffs

i mean, it did kinda have to come down to the two of them, and this season is focusing on martial arts rather than more magical fights, so this makes sense

and thats a KO

OH WAIT NO

damn einhart, you just do not give up

and using the moment your opponent’s convinced they’ve won is a decent way to land a hit on someone who specializes in counter attacks

and now we get to see glimpses of other battles!

nanoha and teana at close range is a hell of a situation, considering they both tend to ranged attacks. doesn’t look like tea can beat her old teacher yet.

that would have been a very punchy fight. presumably subaru wouldn’t use her destructo-hand cyborg ability in this match, but she’s still capable of a lot more firepower than einhart

gods fate’s broadsword is good

oh! new teams!

this one is split between frontline close range fighters and ranged attackers, which could be very strong but has some weak points

i guess what youd want is nanoha and teana hammering away at the opponents while vivio, einhart, and rio keep them stalled in the middle. hopefully the constant barrage will make the other team slip up, and will definitely limit their mobility, but if they can get fighters past the front line it’ll go poorly

and this team is entirely speed based, with four of the most mobile fighters. it might be best to use corona’s golem as a delaying tactic on the other teams front line, and send all the speedsters around the sides to try and take out the ranged fighters quickly

gods i want to see that fight

holy fuck

looks like subaru got to the ranged fighters, but she’ll have a rough time getting through that barrage

lutecia youre like two years older than they are

awwww

OH TIME FOR THE TOURNAMENT ARC

which might actually just be the whole plot, i think it was still running when i stopped the manga? and the anime definitely won’t get past it.

for some reason i don’t think any of these girls will be relevant

how has einhart not considered this before? it seems pretty well known and she’s the type to be really into fighting matches.

actually, on second thought einhart doesn’t seem to have thought much about the possibility of fighting as a sport since she’s so caught up in her inherited war memories. also, i can definitely believe she pays zero attention to current events and sports matches

nove rolled up the sleeves on her kimono bathrobe. because of course she did.

THANK YOU

NOW PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT

i really do like this idea of dealing with strength-induced angst and trauma via martial arts instead of more risky avenues. imagine what the world would be like if bruce wayne started mma instead of becoming a vigilante. 

nove is still tsundere about teaching

this is good! i did not expect nove to be such a major part of this show, and im glad theyre acknowledging that she has a life outside of coaching. its pretty rare for mentor figure to also get their own character arcs, and especially in nove’s case it makes a lot of sense. i mean it’s only been four years since she was a brainwashed combat cyborg working for a mad scientist turned terrorist, no wonder she still needs to figure out what she wants in life

i wonder how cost plays into this? if you need a device to compete, and better devices do make a substantial difference in fighting ability, it seems like the tournament should standardize gear to an extent, and provide for competitors who cant afford it

gods this is fucked up.

its not enough for einhart to continuously train, to get stronger and win against powerful opponents. she feels like she needs to fight on an actual battlefield.

and i can’t really say she’s wrong. there’s a lot of difference between being a skilled tournament fighter and handling actual combat, and the example she’s trying to surpass was one explicitly for actual warfare

but she doesn’t have to achieve that strength, and she shouldnt feel like she needs to

einhart is brooding too loudly for vivio to sleep

hey! it’s her! they don’t give an actual rank, just a generic officer title (im assuming. unless she was demoted a lot in the past four years), but presumably she’s risen even further. i fully expect hayate to end up running the tsab 

awww

makes sense to go to the leader of the wolkenritter and an ancient belkan magic expert for help with ancient belkan weapons i guess

it’s the intelligent devices! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh?

oh

if these kids are being taught by a wolkenritter, theyre gonna be impressive

hayate knows her fighting show tropes

holy fuck

shes being taught by all the wolkenritter

this extremely cheerful child is possibly the best taught warrior on this planet

ok, lets see: i’m guessing yagami is more in regards to the wolkenritter, since hayate is very much not a strike arts fighter. sword draw sounds appropriately knight-y, and i’m always a fan of sword fights. weird that she uses midchildan magic, since non of her teachers do. and she’s a newbie, which makes her a completely unknown quantity

if these guys are fucking novices, what do the other competitors look like?!

oh, this is really good. einhart has been training herself for a long time, and pretty much everyone’s commented on how good her fundamentals are. there’s not much point in another two months of basic training on top of that. but she hasn’t really had worthy opponents, hence the whole street fighting misadventure, and so she needs more sparring.  

so we’re getting a rambunctious nun

gods, sein

hdgks;

i like her already

oooh, two swords. incredible speed sounds like exactly what it says on the tin. another midchildan fighter, despite being part of the belkan church. and she’s also new, but a bit older than miura

... theyre just a girl gang

i guess nanoha is going even heavier on the genre mixing than usual this season

holy hells she’s self taught

three times competing, fifth best in the city... she’s the most experienced fighter we’ve seen yet, but i think this year’s newbies might be better than average

the contrast of elegant lady with butler and tea, and the massive dumbbell and weight rack is excellent

well fuck

this just got even more tied into ancient history, which is mostly just going to be weird for vivio, but could be pretty bad for einhart

a tiiiiny bit

unlike einhart, who apparently got all of klaus’ blood

she’s pretty old for this competition, or at least the others we’ve seen. come to think of it, it takes a weirdly large range of competitors. since its the intermediate championship, presumably theres a younger bracket, and it might be better to extend that until twelveish rather than let ten year olds fight seventeen year olds

anyways, her thunder theme is very evident here. dahlgren magic, which is a new one, to have a family rather than planetary system. and shes very experienced, and has done really well previously

i like how everyone else is at home, or with friends or teachers, and then we’ve got this weirdo running through the desert in a dark hoodie with the hood up

oh hell, another new magic system. her style is really broad, her skill is nondescript, her device is unknown... not a lot to go on here OH WAIT SHES THE CHAMPION. 

THE INTERDIMENSIONAL CHAMPION

nove wasn’t kidding about this region being a tough bracket

and back to our protagonists, who now look so simple and reasonable. vivio is just a punch girl with mixed magic styles! so uncomplicated

corona does golems. that is literally all the information here

is rio the first modern belka practitioner we’ve see for the tournament? she’s got her own style, which honestly seems pretty common at this point, and then her maginificent FLAME-LIGHTNING TRANS, which sounds like it should be a band or something

lutecia’s style: magic

but don’t they all use magic. that doesnt matter. lutecia uses better magic.

also, idk how much use healing and summoning will be in presumably one-on-one tournament matches

and here we end, with our ancient fight nerd waiting for her device

gods this tournament’s going to be great

[dreamycarat]

13012

Characters: Lee Jihoon, Hong Joshua Genre: idk slight angst maybe Words: 3410 words Summary: Joshua’s sudden leave from Seventeen surprises everyone.

“An angel, you are?” Jihoon mumbled alone, a pen in his hand, writing lyrics for Seventeen’s new song. Jihoon’s eyes kept blinking out of tiresome, realizing that he hadn’t slept in two days. It hit him right in the chest that he didn’t even go back to his dorm for almost a week up to the day, nor did he see his members. He literally locked himself up in the four walls of his not-so-small studio, producing some presents for the Carats. His beloved Carats.

Somehow, the lyrics seemed so wrong. So cheesy too. Jihoon sighed in frustration, running his fingers along his black hair before crumpling the paper full of his messy handwriting. He then threw the paper ball into the dustbin at the corner of the studio. Jihoon took out another piece of new paper, put it before his eyes and he put his head on the table. He was exhausted.

Jihoon’s iPhone 7 lighted up with a message popped up on his lockscreen. It was a message from Joshua. The 21-year-old man shrugged, not caring to read the message and he put his phone aside, making sure to turn it off beforehand. Jihoon glued his eyes on the blank paper and he exhaled sharply, feelings mixed with exhaustion and annoyance. He was extremely worn out and the fact that none of the lyrics made sense to him annoyed him to the core.

“ARGH!” He shouted in top of his voice. The thought of disappointing his members and Carats clouded his busy mind that he didn’t realize a knock coming from the door. Someone opened the door slightly, peeking from outside.

It was Joshua.

“Jihoon,” Joshua’s soft voice called his name. Jihoon immediately turned around with a frown pasted on his face.

“Yes?”

“You didn’t read my message?” The older man asked, leaning against the door frame. He had a luggage behind him - the one Vernon gave him as a Christmas present when they were still trainees.

Jihoon shrugged. “I’m in the middle of thinking. I don’t have time to read your message, hyung.” The tone of his voice screamed annoyance but he didn’t give a slight damn about it. ‘Joshua understands,’ he thought to himself. The man before him only nodded before plastering a small smile on his calm face, showing off his cat-like eyes. His eyes were his best features, according to Jihoon three years ago. But as time passed by, Jihoon realized that Joshua’s manners were indeed his best features. Joshua was somehow raised to be a true gentleman who constantly put on a smile while helping others. Not to mention that he always held back his anger - he was really good in it. An expert, indeed.

“Okay. I just-” Joshua paused. He seemed to take a deep breath. “Want to say goodbye.” His voice was laced with a hint of sadness but Jihoon let it off. The younger man nodded and turned away, trying to get back to work. Joshua was still holding the door knob, blinking a few times, wondering if this was the best decision he could make.

“I love you,” Joshua voiced out before shutting the door. It happened so fast that Jihoon couldn’t even make a face. But his heart was literally screaming, it felt like ripping apart without knowing why. However, Jihoon pushed the thought away and continued writing the lyrics.

He didn’t read Joshua’s message that day.

-

Seungcheol barged into Jihoon’s studio without even knocking, face as white as sheet, beads of cold sweat could be seen on his forehead. Jihoon turned around in slight surprise, asking why. The older man panted, putting his hand on his chest, catching his breath. Seungcheol seemed so restless - shocked, even.

“Joshua,” he muttered, chest heaved. “He left.” Jihoon told Seungcheol to reiterate, in case he was hearing it wrong. The leader of Seventeen put a hand in the air, as if telling Jihoon to wait as he paid off his oxygen debt. Jihoon guessed that Seungcheol ran all the way from their dorm to his studio, by looking at Seungcheol’s pyjamas.

“Hong Joshua left the group,” the handsome man stated.

“WhatsApp group?”

“No! Seventeen! He left Seventeen!” Jihoon stilled, trying to digest the words. Seconds later, a rush of adrenaline flowed, thousands of thoughts and questions surrounded his mind like dark clouds, eating him alive.

“What the hell?” Jihoon mumbled to himself. He focused on the tall man before him whose eyes were trembling with fears - to disappoint the fans and also the members. He pitied Seungcheol, knowing that later on, the older man would’ve to see the press and explain the hella confusing situation. He would be bombarded with millions of questions regarding to Joshua.

'Is it because of a fight between the members?’

'Does Pledis kick him out of Seventeen?’

'Is it because of health issues?’

'Did Joshua discuss it with you?’

'How are the members reacting to the news?’

'Are you still going to comeback in March?’

Jihoon could hear the questions at the back of his head, loud and clear. He could imagine Seungcheol with a fist under the table, surpressing his anger towards the heartless press. But he knew that Seungcheol would be very smart in answering the questions. The leader was trained for five long years to control the situation. He knew everything - what to answer and what not to answer.

But still… WHY?

Seungcheol informed that an urgent meeting between the members will be held in ten minutes at their dorm, thus he insisted Jihoon to go home. Jihoon was still dumbfounded. He couldn’t insist to stay, especially when the situation was extremely dangerous to them. And so Jihoon followed Seungcheol back to their dorm, where the other 10 members were already sitting in a big circle, impatiently waiting for them.

Jihoon immediately filled in the empty spot of the circle between Mingyu and Jun as Seungcheol locked the front door. Jeonghan sat opposite of Jihoon, serious as hell, not caring to at least greet Jihoon who had not been home for 6 days. The surrounding was silent but tensed. Even Seungkwan, the loudest member in the group kept silent, fingers playing with Vernon’s, lips forming a pout. Chan, on the other hand, was crying but Jihoon could see how hard the youngest man tried to hold back his tears. His sobs were slow but heavy. Minghao helped to wipe those tears away. As soon as Seungcheol completed the big circle, he asked in his stern voice, “Does anyone know anything?”

Silence.

Mingyu shrugged, saying, “Joshua hyung didn’t say anything when I asked him why was he packing his things up.” Jeonghan looked up to see Jihoon straight in his eyes and said, “Joshua said this is not our fault.” There was a hint of sarcasm in Jeonghan’s voice, as if he was telling Jihoon something indirectly.

“Perhaps you know something, Jihoon?”

Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows at Jeonghan, fingers unknowingly curled into a fist before Jun slowly wrapped his fingers around Jihoon’s and uncurled his fist. “I know nothing,” Jihoon replied, trying to stay calm, when all eyes were on him. “I am in the studio all the time. How the hell would I freaking know about anything?”

“If Joshua is still here, he would’ve reminded you of your language, Jihoon,” Soonyoung remarked. “We are not here to blame anyone, guys,” Seungcheol reminded them before a sigh escaped his lips. Jihoon bit his lower lip. Minghao then asked, “Is this permanent? I mean, he really left? Forever?”

“We don’t know yet,” Mingyu answered. Wonwoo ran his fingers along his hair in slight frustration, though he didn’t seem to say anything about the situation. Jihoon’s eyes narrowed the moment Seungcheol’s phone rang. Everyone’s eyes landed on the leader, who quickly slided his index figer along the green button, answering the call. Jihoon’s heart beat so fast that he could actually hear it in his two ears.

“Yes, our manager told us about that,” Seungcheol said. He mouthed 'CEO’ to the members as he replied, “Nothing is wrong, sir. No. No. There’s no such things. We don’t fight.” The other members exchanged glances on each other, wondering, still puzzled of the situation. Seungcheol seemed to listen to their CEO’s so-called explanation as he nodded and mouthed 'Yes, sir’ over and over again. Jun once again wrapped his fingers around Jihoon’s, slightly caressing the soft hand as if he was telling Jihoon that it would be fine. Joshua would be okay.

“I’m sorry you have to face this situation,” Jun whispered. Jihoon turned to his left to take a closer look at the Chinese man’s handsome face and he nodded. “It’s fine.” “No, it’s not fine. You are already so stressed out from composing our songs. You shouldn’t have been pulled into this problem.” The shorter man shook his head and replied softly, “I am a part of the group, Jun. Of course I should-” his words were cut off when Seungcheol finally hung up.

“Joshua met the CEO last week. He said that he needed time to think.” Seungcheol took a deep breath, pausing, and Seokmin asked, “Think of what?”

“I don’t know, dude. Maybe you annoyed him to death,” Vernon attempted a joke. Seokmin glared the younger man and said, “He was voted as the most annoying member in Seventeen, if you forget.”

“Stop it, kids. We are not going to argue about this. We are here to find a solution. Explanation, maybe. Anyway, Joshua said that he would be meditating for a long long time. There are things that bothered him so much. And he would appreciate it if we stop communicating with him in any ways.” Seungcheol took a pause and added, “Just until he is fine.”

“How do we know that he is fine?” Chan asked.

“Is he still in Korea?” Seungkwan asked. Seungcheol shook his head. “He took a plane to L.A a few hours ago.”

“I can’t believe he just left without saying anything to us. Not even a goodbye,” Mingyu whined, pouting. Jihoon stilled. “He what?” Mingyu turned to Jihoon and asked, “What?”

“He didn’t say goodbye?” Jihoon asked, wanting to make sure he heard it right. The tallest member im the group nodded.

“What the hell…” Jihoon muttered, closing his eyes. He cursed under his breath before saying, “Joshua came to see me this morning. With a luggage. He said goodbye. But… That’s it.”

“What’s your point, Jihoon?” Jeonghan furrowed his eyebrows. “The point is, Joshua came to see me. To say goodbye.”

“Okay, wait-” Soonyoung said, “Who was in the dorm when Joshua left?” Everyone looked at each other and at the same time, they glued their eyes on Mingyu. “What? I saw him packing but then I went to get my morning coffee.” Minghao asked, “Then?” “Then, I went to our practice room, obviously.”

“So, Jihoon is the last person to see Joshua,” Jeonghan stated as a matter-of-fact. Jihoon sucked in more air. Something then hit him right in the chest. The message. Jihoon’s hands roamed along his pockets, trying to find his phone. Damn. He left his phone in the studio.

-

Jihoon spent the night at the dorm, not sleeping, but thinking. He couldn’t stop wondering about the message. He was calculating the possibilities that he was the one who made Joshua leave. If he were to list down all the things he did to the elder man, the list would be endless. Most of the things would be making a face when Joshua talked to him unknowingly. It wasn’t exactly a hobby but he couldn’t help but to only focus on his work. He didn’t really like it when Joshua randomly popped out of nowhere and invited him to dinner and lunch and breakfast. Joshua had always been there, annoying him- or taking care of him, to be exact, but in an annoying way. He would make sure Jihoon had his meal right on time, never muttered profanities out loud and always slept on time. Joshua was always there, until a week ago.

Jihoon remembered the day Joshua started acting all weird and odd around him, avoiding him in any ways. They didn’t fight the day before. Jihoon never knew why. He didn’t even bother to ask since he was secretly enjoying the time he had to himself. He was quite selfish, he realized. He only cared about himself and his work and nothing else.

But oh, Jihoon remembered something. He was quite drunk the night before Joshua stopped caring about him. He remembered being all tensed up and Joshua brought him a bottle of soju, his favorite alcohol. Joshua didn’t drink, literally. And Jihoon knew he muttered something bad. Maybe curses. Or maybe he said that Joshua was annoying.

Oh God.

-

Joshua’s message was simple yet complicated. “I love you so much that it hurts.” Jihoon could hear Joshua’s soft voice at the back of his head. He tried to understand the words but he couldn’t. Why would it hurt? Why would loving your friend hurt? It didn’t make any sense at all. Jihoon couldn’t come out with anything.

“Hey, you wanna lunch?” Vernon asked, startling Jihoon. The shorter guy literally jumped out of his seat, holding his phone close to his chest. “Seriously, Vernon? I could’ve died because of hesrt attack!” The Korean-American man shrugged, “I knocked, okay.” Jihoon let out a sigh before nodding, following Vernon and the others to a 'gopchang’ restaurant.

Jihoon stood in front of the entrance, eyes glued to the signboard. Gopchang Restaurant. Joshua. He remembered forgetting Joshua in November when he had dinner with the vocal unit. Joshua talked about that with his sad eyes in Yang and Nam Show.

Jihoon took a deep breath.

“Come on, hyung!” Seungkwan pulled Jihoon into the restaurant. They settled in a table at the corner of the restaurant, greeted by Kyungsoo’s sweet voice singing For Life, EXO’s new song. The young men exchanged glances on each other and without a cue, they played rock, paper and scissors to talk to the owner and change the song. It was a usual thing to do for them - shamelessly asking the owner of the restaurant to play their song in the restaurant.

Seungkwan and Vernon held out a rock, Jihoon forcefully made a paper and Seungcheol made the scissors sign. No loser. Again. This time, everyone but Jihoon held out a paper as Jihoon made a rock sign. He puffed his cheeks annoyingly and pouted when his three friends happily beamed and cheered for him.

“Go talk to the owner, Jihoon.” Slowly, Jihoon made his way to the counter and asked to see the owner. The young girl standing before him seemed to be knowing him as her lips curled into a big smile, eyes not even blinking, nodding. But she stood there, frozen.

“Ehem,” Jihoon faked a cough and the girl quickly apologized and called the owner of the restaurant. An old woman with grey hair tied up in a bun walked out of the kitchen, smiling at Jihoon.

“Hi, I am from a group called Seventeen. Um, is it possible for you to play our song in the restaurant?” The old woman’s smile became bigger as she nodded. “Of course, young man.”

When Jihoon finally reached his members, he could hear 'Don’t Listen Secretly’ by the Vocal unit. Joshua’s soft voice started the song and his first line hit him hard.

“We grow further these days.”

Jihoon gulped. It felt as if Joshua’s words were slicing his heart open, slitting it mercilessly that Jihoon had to clutch his chest. His breathings were uneven, not that he cared but deep down inside, he couldn’t deny the fact that he kind of missed Joshua.

“I feel you, Jihoon,” Seungcheol said, putting a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, trying to console Jihoon. Seungcheol knew Jihoon was trying so hard to adapt to the situation. Being in charge of producing the songs, it would’ve been so frustrating for Jihoon to actually focus on his work, not when his person - Joshua - was gone.

“We just have to give him some space, I guess,” Vernon added with a sigh. Their smiles literally faded away, replaced with a frown and a permanent scar in their heart. A scar that would always remind them of the pain to lose someone they loved, even when losing Joshua could be temporary. Could…

-

February had arrived even though Jihoon begged for the time to stop. He couldn’t focus on his work. The CEO had already scolded him for postponing the recording of their main song and also vocal unit’s song but he didn’t give a slight damn about it. He believed that Joshua would be back. He knew that Joshua would appear one day, looking fine as hell, smiling with his cat-like eyes and wanted to participate in this comeback. Of course, he was Hong Joshua. He was a part of Seventeen after all. It took 13 people to complete the group. 13, including Joshua. This was where he needed to be. Not in L.A. But here, in Korea, performing in front of their fans. This was his home.

And Jihoon was right. For the first time in what he felt like years, he was right.

Joshua came home.

He was clad in the long-sleeve shirt Jihoon gave him as a birthday present and a pair of his favorite jeans, hair swiped up like how Jihoon loved, sitting on the chair, strumming the guitar smoothly as if he had no problem in this world. The corner of his lips curved upwards, head bobbing up and down slightly when Jihoon’s small figure appeared in the reflection of the mirror.

Jihoon blinked. He stilled. He literally stopped breathing because the sight of Joshua in front of him took his breath away. He missed his brother so much. But he was also mad, realizing how Joshua just turned up in front of him with a freaking smile without a notice, as if he did nothing wrong. As if he never tortured the 12 men mentally for a month.

But, anyway, Joshua came home.

-

“Why?” It was the first word that came out of Jihoon’s mouth. The question was amazingly short, compared to the amount of curiosity he had inside. His emotions were overflowing that he couldn’t differentiate whether he was actually mad or sad or happy.

Joshua looked at the younger man straight in his eyes, not blinking. The smile he put on his face earlier eventually disappeared, lips forming a straight line. A sigh escaped his lips, heart heavy, not wanting to answer the question.

“Why?” Jihoon repeated his question, louder this time. Joshua turned away. This was not how he wanted to be greeted by Jihoon, not after all the sessions with his psycologist.

“Joshua…” Jihoon whimpered. His chest felt like bursting and if Joshua didn’t say anything this time, it could actually blow up. His heart would explode out of anger and curiosity and when the time came, Jihoon knew that he wouldn’t be able to forgive Joshua. The silent treatment he was receiving was disturbing him so much.

“I couldn’t,” Joshua finally spoke, “You were a distraction.” Jihoon was taken aback. “You- I liked you a lot, Jihoon. Not as a friend. But more… I liked you more than the others. And it was disturbing me because I was afraid that this could lead me into a path full of sins. And so I had to go. I had to find a cure to this stupid feeling before it consumed me. I had to because I needed to be straight. And I have been seeing a psycologist and also a councellor and now, I’m here, right in front of you. I am home. And I am fine as heck.”

Jihoon was speechless.

“I am perfectly straight now, in case you’re afraid of me.” Jihoon stood there, frozen, dumbfounded. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t afraid of Joshua. He was just surprised. “Okay, you know what, forget about it. Pretend as if I said nothing. Gosh. This is so awkward.”

“Okay.”

Jihoon opened his mouth to say something but then he paused and eventually closed it again. Jihoon closed his eyes for a moment. He took a few deep breaths.

Joshua came home. The group was now complete.

“Perhaps you wanna record the songs tonight?”

——————————

Note: This is a sin oh god I did not just write that omg. I am not into yaoi at all. I am also very straight. Oh Gosh. Anyway, Shua is currently wrecking my bias list. All of the members are bias wreckers tho.

[peristeron]

so y’all its time for the rare “maybe i need to re-examine my dæmon form" time with mala, thoughts under the cut

right, so. for those not in the know, who happen to decided to poke into this out of curiousity — i use the dæmon forum���s methods, which are basically taking the whole thing as a personality typing dealio, for self-reflection and shit. for the past several years i’ve been solidly settled as a tawny frogmouth, and before that, before the shift in analysis style i was a palm cockatoo

BUT recently i’ve been noticing some thought patterns i think i’ve pretty much always had but never entirely paid much attention to or noticed, namely some stuff relating to being image-oriented, particularly when i’m actually dealing with conflicts and not running the fuck away or otherwise avoiding the shit out of them. this isn’t something i ever considered about myself because generally i hate the spotlight and am so conflict-avoidant that the competitiveness that almost always goes along with being image-oriented doesn’t fit me At All

however

i’ve been noticing as a pattern through the past few months just how much i am Deeply Concerned with how things will Look, even when i feel generally past the point of going through the motions/playing the social game/doing my usual sugarcoating that is a lot more purposeful and careful than it probably seems. i Care about how i’m going to look to a theoretical Audience, to the point that it will utterly stress me out in some environments to the point of turning into a slug (see: dreamwidth). i want to make sure my shit is water-tight, i want to make sure that i come out looking Good. which, given internet culture (and especially dreamwidth and tumblr cultures), makes sense, especially for someone whose brain spends 75% of its activity centered on Avoiding Stress/Conflict/Unpleasant Things. if facing something Unpleasant and actively getting involved, it makes sense to not want things to get More Unpleasant due to one’s own phrasing or actions, etc.

anyway

one of my biggest problems with form finding, right, is that my cognitive functions are INFJ and my enneagram is 6w7. that isn’t a combination that’s very common and, from what i can tell, is viewed as kind of weird. i’ve re-examined both of these things (bc i try to avoid quizzes with personality typings and instead try and figure out how the systems work to pick The Most Accurate One, bc im that nerd), and i’m pretty heckin solid on it. but because its an uncommon and weird combo, it can make form finding difficult — bc finding an analysis that has the right combination of weird INFJ/6w7 traits is ............ yeah

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE GOOD SHIT

so i’m poking around on the spreadsheet, bc i know it isnt infallible but its a handy resource to get started with, and i keep pulling up things that are absolute duds. and then im like, “coyote, sure, lets just fuckin look” bc its listed as infj and 6. the analysis linked to that needs some editing, but doesn’t seem egregiously wrong and ... weirdly ... fits more than i expected. so out of curiousity, i popped over to the other two coyote analyses, both of which were written by forum analysis experts

and i stare. because this is............ hmm. it isnt a Perfect Fit, at least i dont think so, but its............... its more on point than i really expected. wtf. the other analysis doesn’t fit nearly as well, which i wonder how much of that is really down to differing interpretations or if it’s because of............. something else idk, but ironically that’s the one that has infj listed in the coyote’s possible mbti. this one doesn’t, but is more accurate to me. /scratches head

this is just So Weird to me bc i’d largely like. not........... considered a canine for myself before, not seriously, not since i got started and went through the “Maybe I’m A Wolf” phase. i’ve been birds for the longest time. but the birds that worked for me before (tawny frogmouth, mourning dove, though that second one fit a lot less closely) are distinctly missing the image-oriented stuff. and the bird analyses i know that definitely do center on it too much. so looking outside of birds, let alone finding one that fits as well as that coyote analysis, is just.................. Weird. it feels so Weird

it even nails something that, like. i never looked too closely in regards to myself bc i didnt like it:

¤ Possessive (revisited) Only some coyotes are territorial year round, but all are territorial during breeding season. Although there's not a lot of information out there on the subject, it appears that coyotes are territorial of the core 10% of their territory year round (usually where the den is located). How aggressively a coyote defends its territory will depend on available resources. In times of plenty, they're more lax; when food is scarce, they're less welcoming. Similarly, coyote people are not Possessive with a capital P, but they are possessive of things they see as uncommon or unique to them. The more obscure the interest or thing, the more possessive they are. Finding someone who shares these interests makes them feel like their individuality is being threatened. In contrast, when something is really popular or common, they don't expect it to be "their" thing and aren't upset by others embracing it. Basically, you could call them conditionally possessive.

SWEATS..................... LOUDLY. i. yeah. this is a kneejerk reaction i have. its not as uniform/regular/predictable as that, and i really need to pay more attention to that feeling and analyze it more when it happens, but i uh. sometimes........... i......... yeah

like. typically, i am not a jealous person. 97% of the time, i dont get jealous about my relationships, to the point that polyamory is a very real possibility for me and has been a thing for me in the past. but occasionally. occasionally. i’ll get... possessive a bit. and a bit jealous, wanting to helicopter and wanting to demand All The Person’s Time, No, Play With Meeeeeeee. i dont let myself do this, ever, because i know its Bad and it feels extremely uncomfortable to feel it to begin with. and there are some things i’ll get weirdly possessive about, usually more along the route of ideas kinda thing. i get the whole insecurity about “if this other person does the thing, then everyone’s going to like them more than me, and no one will like me any more because that person is better than me.” which is bullshit but i haven’t figured out how to bury it yet

squints off............... also i wanna talk about this:

¤ Competitive  ... Coyote people are competitive by nature. They want to succeed and have trouble enjoying themselves if they're losing or struggling. This might cause them to drop activities they find difficult while focusing on what they're good at. They have a habit of comparing their achievements to their peers', which can lead to motivation or jealousy. They want to be the best in their field (or at least feel comfortable with their status), and they'll do what they can to stay there.

again, like i said earlier — being competitive isn’t something i typically consider a trait i have. i dont like conflict, competition feels way too much like conflict to me, i dont like negative attention, etc. ..................... but. b u t. the way this is phrased here? the bolded shit? which is pretty much the entire thing? y...eah. this hits it right on the fuckin head for me. i avoid competition because i hate losing and dont trust my reactions when im not doing well in a competition situation. i avoid things i’m bad at for the same reason (and bc feeling like a failure, bad thought spirals, perfectionism (which is also a trait in this analysis), etc). and, here’s the kicker, even if i’m not participating in something competitive at all, i’m still constantly comparing myself to other people, esp other people who are doing similar things to me (such as, say, role-playing courier six, the most open-ended player character in the bethesda fallouts and thus why am i comparing my OC to other OCs that’s fucking stupid). i may not feel like i want to be The Best One (is that bc i have no ambition/drive, which is a thing, or is it bc i have a huge amount of self-worth problems and therefore can’t imagine myself as being The Best and besides i wouldn’t want that pressure to be and stay The Best) — but i want to feel comfortable and safe in a status of being One Of The Better Ones, or even just One Of The Good Ones. and i want to maintain that status because i hate change (even if i can deal with it after some adjusting)

again — all of this is shit i’ve never wanted to really look too closely at or even admit too much, but it’s been there for a very long time, so its not like i’m magically developing this. its just............. that i’ve ignored it. and now im starting to be more honest with myself about it and its raising a lot of questions

anyway i may not be a goofy af looking bird guys i may be a clumsy, goofy coyote. ???????????????????????????????????